Yes, She Can Make Blueberry Cobbler for 750 People 08.09.2014

 If you’re anywhere near Winter Harbor, Maine today, I suggest you head into town and stay for the duration.  Today is the town’s 50^th Lobster Festival, a big deal because it’s the 50^th, and anything related to lobsters in Maine is a big deal.  And I'm going because Beth Clark, who works at the J.M. Gerrish Cafe & Ice Cream Parlour, has whipped up blueberry cobbler for 750 people.  (I may have a slight addiction to blueberry pie and cobbler.)

Earlier this week, after a day of hiking in Acadia National Park, Eric and I were looking for a place to take the kids for ice cream.  We drove through Winter Harbor and found J.M Gerrish.  The kids ate ice cream on old-timey bar stools and everyone in the parlor was abuzz about being tapped to make the cobblers.

It took Beth four evenings and three to four hours per evening to get the cobblers ready, and she had yet to make a few gluten-free cobblers.

The blueberry cobblers in the freezer.

 Today, Beth hands the cobblers over to the Chamber of Commerce for the festival.  J.M. Gerrish will serve up lobster rolls (I will be there).  This is one of the biggest lobster festivals, which will culminate with a street dance and fireworks.

My kids eating ice cream -- that's Beth behind the counter.

In addition to ice cream, J.M. Gerrish serves other baked goods including baguettes and pies.  While the kids slowly went through their chocolate ice cream cones, I stared at the last slice of blueberry pie.  Life is short, right?  And I’m in Maine.  It makes sense.  It was really good pie.

Before joining J.M. Gerrish, Beth managed Le Domaine in Hancock, Maine – a French restaurant that recently closed.  J.M. Gerrish changed ownership last year and is currently owned by Roxanne Quimby, co-founder of Burt’s Bees. 

J.M. Gerrish opened in May and will close after the season for the winter.

J.M. Gerrish Cafe & Ice Cream Parlour

352 Main Street

Winter Harbor, Maine

207-963-6100

Cronut 07.14.2014

No, this is not Chef Dominique Ansel's famous cronut (or disputed cronut if you think you invented it before he did), but it was deeply, deeply satisfying.  I was picking up some small palmiers at Breads Unlimited in Bethesda when I saw this robust-looking doughnut.  One of the bakers informed me it was cronut-esque:  a blend of croissant and doughnut made from fried croissant dough.

From the side, it is wickedly thick with layers of dough, laced with sugar.  A lot of sugar.  And no doubt some oil, possibly butter?  Lard?  Whatever.  I don't care.

While my daughter swooned over a massive chocolate chip muffin, I had a long, silent debate with myself about the cronut:  I could get it, cut it up into eight pieces; have one small piece, share another piece with Eric; save the other pieces for people who would come over to the house later.  That could work.  

Palmiers, chocolate chip muffin, and cronut in hand, my girl and I walked over to a coffee shop, where she gingerly pulled apart her muffin bite by bite.  I took one small bite of the cronut, which was flaky and sugary and just so good.  I took a few sips of my coffee and contemplated the remaining cronut, which was huge.  I worried that maybe it would be off by the time Eric finally got around to tasting it.  We had a busy day ahead of us and it was the final game of the World Cup (who eats during sporting events??).  What a waste.  

I slowly pulled apart each decadent piece of the cronut and ate all of it.  While sipping coffee.  And thinking about Eric.

I have no idea if Chef Ansel's cronut is better (I'm guessing it is), but if this is third -- or even fourth -- place for best cronut, I'll take it. I will not, however, stand in line for a cronut, which countless people have done in New York City.  I won't get involved in food crazes that involve waiting in any kind of line.  Life is short.  Keep moving.  You'll need to after you've eaten an entire cronut.

Wine Tasting: 2013 Chateau de Pibrarnon Bandol Rosé 07.09.2014

As you may or may not know, rosé wines are terribly glam right now.  I recently wrote a piece for National Public Radio's food blog The Salt about the proliferation of the pink wine the U.S. market, and there is no dearth of recommendations, including my favorite from Forbes titled, "Real Men Drink Rosé .  Well, of course they do.  I'll take it a step further and say that real wine drinkers drink rosé.

Last year, I was devoted to the 2012 Domaine du Dragon -- ideal for anyone who prefers wine or rosé wine on the dry side.  The Dragon had a gorgeous pale, pink color and no overwhelming fruit notes that would warrant pairing it with one type of food over another.  It was perfect.  And whenever I got a bottle of the Dragon, I also bought another rosé to compare.  Dragon always won out.  But, alas, not this year.

This year, I tasted the 2013 Dragon at the beginning of rosé season and was disappointed.  A bitter taste stayed after the first sip and I was not inclined to try another bottle.  But that wouldn't be fair.  So I gave it some time and tried it again and while it did get better, it has yet to match the 2012.  

There are a lot of things I love and respect about rosés, not the least of which is the price tag.  You can get a really good rosé wine for $10.99 and know you didn't get a crap wine just because the price was reasonable.  The 2012 Dragon, for example, was selling for $11.99 in some stores last year, but this year, it spiked to $18.99 or more.  The price may be riding on last year's coattails.  

My wine guy, Phil, and his wife Gaby recently gifted me a bottle of the 2013 Chateau de Pibramon Bandol Rosé, which is higher end.  Again, just the right amount of dryness for my taste and a beautiful pink color bordering on salmon.  Eric and I tasted it together and my first thought was, this would pair well with fish.  We were having chicken the night we drank it, but that's the beauty of rosé wine -- unless it's bad, you can easily pair it with a range of food, or have it as a cool apéritif in the summer.  

The Bandol can cost more than $30, depending on where you're buying it.  It's not what I would spend on a regular basis, but for a dinner party gift, or to celebrate Germany winning the semi-finals of the World Cup -- absolutely.  Who knows what I'll do when Germany wins the World Cup…come on, you know they will!

Adventures in Housekeeping: Is Your Home Parent-Ready? 07.07.2014

Are you someone who has parents?  Do you live in an apartment or a house?  Do you own possessions?  And do your parents visit your apartment or house and sometimes notice your possessions?  If you answered yes to all of these questions, I'm betting you feel an occasional need to whip your home into parent-ready condition.  And if you're messy like me, I'm willing to bet that occasional need is laced with frantic urgency.  Because, let's face it, whether it's actually happening or not, we sit in constant judgement from our parents...FOREVER!  

But, you are awesome.  You do things like suddenly make your home look crazy-neat and organized as if you actually live that way.  Your fridge contains only fresh food and everything is beautifully arranged instead of stuffed into submission.  And if you have kids, they are neatly scrubbed and calm and not at all like monkeys in the wild.  

But this awesomeness does not come easily, and sometimes, it does not come at all.  

My parents live close by and on Sunday, they called while I was at the grocery store to say they were stopping by.  As regular readers may know, I am a messy person who was raised by meticulously neat parents.  As in, museum-caliber cleanliness.  Why I didn't get the neat gene is something I've not had time to look into on account of work, life, and all the time I spend goofing off instead of cleaning my house.  

I called Eric from the grocery store parking lot to let him know my parents were coming over.  You know, as a heads-up so he could get the parent-readiness in motion.  No answer on his cell, no answer on the land line (yes, we still have a landline and yes, it is a waste of money).  

I arrive home to find Eric in the kitchen making braised pork chops with with mushrooms and parsley (delicious), my daughter in a princess costume and flip-flops dancing around the dining room, my son splayed on the living room floor demanding someone play with him in the backyard, and lots and lots of disorder.  As in, two loads of clean laundry on the sofa, the Sunday paper all over the coffee table, three mysterious Tootsie Roll candies under a side table, and a long list of toys belonging to the children that should be in their rooms.  

I fly into the kitchen and in my most loving voice possible, under the circumstances, say to Eric, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!  

"I am making pork chops," he says with a smile.

I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU!  I tell Eric in a tone that I'm sure he does not at all find abrasive.

"I was here," Eric says, a little too calmly for someone who should be able to read my mind.

I HAVE BEEN CALLING!  I CALLED ON YOUR CELL AND I CALLED ON THE HOME PHONE! YOU DID NOT ANSWER!  I explain in a tone that I am certain he does not find bossy.

"What's the matter?" he asks, remaining calm, but keeping his eyes on the pork chops.

MY PARENTS ARE COMING OVER!  I CALLED TO LET YOU KNOW!  BUT YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE PHONE!  WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?!  I say, clearly identifying the urgent issue at hand.

"Oh…should we make tea?" he asks.

This back-and-forth ended with Eric returning to the pork chops and me clearing two things from the living room and letting my son out into the backyard before I decided to give up the ghost.  You know why?  BECAUSE I AM A GROWN WOMAN WHO HAS SHIT TO DO.  That is why.  And also, sometimes, there simply is too much going on and anyone who enters my home is going to have to deal with any mess along with the hospitality.  Someone should sew that on a sofa cushion.

Now, if you read this post and said to yourself, "What the hell is she talking about?  My mother AND my mother-in-law love my home which is always neat and organized!" or, "What the hell is she talking about…I never worry about how the house looks because it's always neat and organized!" or "Why doesn't she just hire staff?" -- well, I am going to have ask you to leave.  Now.  Please go.  But I do urge you to return for my next post, which will be about the art of jaywalking, which has nothing to do with food or homemaking, but is an equally important topic and life skill.

Until then, eat well with good company!

Rappahannock Oysters Co. 06.27.2014

Earlier this week, my friend April and I had lunch at Rappahannock Oysters Co. at Union Market in Northeast DC.  I'm not sure when I would have gotten around to discovering Union Market had April not suggested we go there.  

For one thing, it's out of the usual restaurant spheres I explore, which, let's face it, is unhealthy.  All spheres must be explored!  And second, had I ventured out on my own, I may have had second thoughts going through some sketchy neighborhoods.  But I went, I loved it, and I'll go again.  

Union Market houses a number eateries, fresh meat and fish vendors, and a drool-enducing kitchen supply store.   And if that wan't enough, there is a lot of free parking out front.  I know -- insanity!  The ceilings are high, and it's a white, clean, washed-up space.  If you work in the vicinity, it's a great getaway for an hour or so for lunch.

We were in the mood for crab cakes and sat at the bar of the Rappahannock Oysters Co.  We started with a white gazpacho soup.  I cannot emphasize how important it is for you to try the white gazpacho soup.  It's made of white grape, cucumber, and marcona almond.  The soup has a flour-like texture to it that is delightful for a cold soup.  

Next we moved on to a crab cake with remoulade on top of celery root slaw.  Really, really good.  The portion is massive and I suggest eating it slowly to savor with a beer or a light, white wine.  I had mine with a sparkling lemonade.  

There is a lot more to explore at Union Market and I think a Sunday field trip may be in order.  Go.  

In the mean time, here is a new feature on my blog posts for you to enjoy -- photos of my dining companions.  This is April.

Union Market

1309 5th Street, NE

Washington, DC 20002

http://unionmarketdc.com

Metro: NoMA-Gallaudet U (Red Line)

I Do Like Them Apples, Thankyouverymuch! 02.15.2014

I know you  know this already, but it's cold.  And snowy.  Maybe you're in a warm place and can't relate or maybe you don't care, but I'm starting to feel as if the entire world is a snowy-cold-salt covered wonderland of inconvenience.  I know we'll get through this; the snow will melt, the sun will come out, the snow gear will be put away, but I would be remiss in not complaining just a little bit.  

Last weekend, I took  my daughter to her Sunday art class and another parent suggested we head over to the Bethesda Central Farm Market.  In the freezing cold.  Obviously I said yes.  

One of the vendors, Twin Springs Fruit Farm, had a large selection of apples (not organic) which were insanely juicy and sweet.  My favorite was the Pink Lady.  I couldn't stop picking up the sample pieces and bought some.  

A woman ahead of me in line bought a half bushel.  One bushel is 126 medium apples so you do the math.  (I had to look this up because I have never purchased a bushel of anything and probably never will.  Although, Eric, with his "I'm not afraid of making a pie from scratch" attitude, might.  Yes, I am afraid of making a pie from scratch.)

I also stopped by Zeke's Coffee for a cup of coffee (so so good) and Patisserie Poupon for a ham-and-cheese filled croissant (my weakness).  Next time at the market, I will tend to my other weakness, Rita's Crepes (banana and Nutella to be exact).

The market is closed this Sunday because of "weather" so you'll have to wait until next weekend to get some delicious apples.  Unless there is more weather.  Ugh.

Stay warm but also get out of the house.  Cabin fever is a serious affliction.  No support groups for that.

Bethesda Central Farm Market

7600 Arlington Road

(at Old Georgetown Road)

Bethesda, Maryland 20814

Winter Hours:  Sundays 10 a.m. - 2 p.m.

The Basics of Responding to a Party Invitation (I'm Looking At You) 11.08.2013

You've received an invitation to a party or tea or event or thing -- but you have not responded yes or no.  What are you waiting for?

This is pretty much my question to everyone about everything in life.  But lately, I've been irked by slackers who do not RSVP.  I have not conducted a scientific study, but can tell you with absolute certainty that the majority of people who get invited to events/parties/stuff do not bother to RSVP.  Do you know why?  Because if you do, PLEASE for the LOVE of everything that is happiness TELL ME!

I'm the laziest person I know and I respond to 92% of invitations I receive almost immediately*.  You know why?  Because the host of whatever event I'm going to better have enough champagne for me.  I will not accept half-filled flutes so the slackers who show up without RSVPing can have some too.  

Through my unscientific research, I've learned that I know a lot of people who also are irked by slackers who do not RSVP.  I've been asking people why they think people do not RSVP and there is a common thought:  people are waiting for better plans to come along before committing to your event. 

Listen:  you are lucky to be receiving any kind of invitation because there is some bad shit going on in this world.  Hunger, war, torture, disease, poverty -- all sorts of crap that is incredibly depressing and here you are, getting an invitation to a party.  But for some reason, you are unable to respond.  And this BS about waiting for a better offer?  Unacceptable.  If that's true, cut it out.  Now.  You are only allowed to wait for a better offer if you are a douche bag.  End of discussion.

And you know what else happens when you don't bother to RSVP right away?  The host feels like crap.  It's true.  Been there, own the t-shirt.  I'm laying down the law, right here, right now:  you get an invitation either RSVP right away or let the host know in an email or phone call that you're trying to figure out your schedule and will RSVP as soon as possible.  This person is laying out food and possibly really good booze for you -- don't let them down with your bad manners.

Also, "I'm busy and haven't had time to respond," is not an excuse.  Here is what I've discovered in my 43-year-old life:  everyone is busy.  Really.  I promise you.  Everyone has shit going on, everyone has stress, and everyone is busy.  It's all different stuff, but we feel it the same way. 

And if you're still having trouble responding to an invitation after reading this, well, today is your lucky day.  I've put together a pretty impressive, well thought out flow chart of what you should do when you receive any invitation.       

You are welcome.

Note to email readers:  go to this LINK to see the awesome chart. Why isn't the chart showing up in your email?  My entire IT department is on a meditation retreat. Seriously IT guys?  Meditation retreat?!  WTF?

* I have ADD and I sometimes will read an email or open mail and think, "Oh, this is lovely…oh look!  A unicorn!"  And then days go by.  While this cannot be classified as official Douche Baggery, it's pretty close and I know that.  To everyone who has ever received a tardy RSVP from me:  chicken curry at my house for you!

So You’ve Decided to Write a Christmas Letter 10.30.2013

I don’t know how to tell you this, but Christmas letters are the WORST.  I say this knowing full well that if you send me a Christmas letter, I will not only read every word of it, I will read every word of it out loud so Eric can experience the letter with me.  I will pause to say things like:  “Awwww,” or  “We should skydive!”  And Eric will say things like:  “Do you know where my phone is?” or “What do you want for dinner?”  He’s not listening, but he is making dinner so I’m not complaining. 

But let’s get back to the point at hand:  Christmas letters are the WORST.  I cannot stand them.  Someone needs to write The Guidelines to Writing Christmas Letters or banish them.  Or maybe people need to write an outline first, have someone approve it, and then they can write the damn thing.

Look, it’s all good.  Life happens in the details.  But dispensing information about your colonoscopy is not okay.

I am writing about Christmas letters because I’m about to order our holiday cards, and recently made up received a slew of questions from fake people about Christmas letter etiquette.  So, grab a glass of champagne, and watch me help out these lost souls!

Hi Sindhu!  I’m not Christian but I really want to write a Christmas letter.  Is that okay?

Um…yeah.  I’m Hindu, Eric is Jewish (Hinjews!) and we wrap presents in Santa Claus paper.  Life is short.  Do what makes you happy and doesn’t hurt other people.  If the word “Christmas” gets your panties in a knot, call it a “holiday” letter. 

I’ve had a really rough year and I feel like everyone should know about it.  Is that okay?

Yes and no.  As with class letters to your alma mater, be honest and ask this question:  what's really important in my life?  Going through a divorce?  I want to know about it: it’s part of your year.  What I don’t think belongs in a Christmas letter is the extensive therapy you’re going through (good for you BTW!) or how much you hate your ex -- understandable but you're messing up your chi.  

My son Bobby hit three home runs in Little League – is this something I should include in a Christmas letter?

Look, I think it’s awesome that Bobby hit three home runs.  Really.  But that’s what Facebook is for.  Keep the Christmas letter focused on the big stuff.  Now if Bobby is 8 and he jumped out of a plane, put that in the letter.  And then hope no one calls Child Protective Services.

My wife and I have a draft of our Christmas letter, which is seven pages long – and it’s only October!  Do you think we need to shorten it?

Seriously? Stop! Christmas letters should be one page, one-sided in large enough font that I don’t have to take out my damn reading glasses.  Photos on the backside are welcome.

I think confetti is so festive -- is it okay to put confetti in a holiday letter?

No.  It is not.  If you do this, I will never open mail from you again. 

I’ve been working on a poem about my year in iambic pentameter and I am beyond excited to send it out.  Do you think poems for Christmas letters are a good idea?

I’m on the fence about this.  This is really a “know your audience” thing.  For example, if I sent a poem to my brother, he wouldn’t get past the first line.  But if I sent a poem to my friends who give a crap about poetry, they would read the whole thing and might even appreciate it.  Know your audience.

I get a Christmas letter from a family that only focuses the contents of the letter on their three kids.  I find it annoying.  Am I being harsh?

You are 100% right on the money.  Look, I get it:  I’m a life giver and I know how wonderfully intense it is to have kids.  Everything they do is awesome and you want everyone to know about it.  But it can’t be all about them.  It just can’t.  You can’t stop being part of the picture.  Whenever I get holiday cards with just kids in the photos, I immediately think:  Where the hell is the rest of the family?  Get your ass in the picture people!

Have real questions about etiquette?  Send them to me!  I'm running three businesses right now and I'm sure I'll have time to answer them!  Send your questions or comments to Four4Courses@gmail.com.

It's Champagne Season! 10.22.2013

Let's face it:  it's always champagne season.  Sometimes, I sip champagne because it's Tuesday and the sunset looks great.  Why not?  But it is true that champagne is my favorite beverage and I never need an occasion to drink it.  

My wine guy, Phil Bernstein, of MacArthur Beverages in DC recently organized a tasting for wine/food bloggers to blind taste grower champagnes.  So I immediately arranged for child care and told Eric I would be out for the evening.  Obviously.

Grower champagnes -- also known as "farmer fizz" -- come directly from the families who own the vineyards.  Larger champagne houses such as Veuve, Moet, or Pol Roger, gather their grapes from the entire Champagne region.  You can distinguish a grower champagne by the initials RM (Recoltant-Manipulant, which means grower producer) on the wine label.

Phil set up eight brut champagnes for us to taste, with one ringer that was champagne but not a grower champagne.  I know what you're thinking:  this is more fun than anyone should be allowed to have.  If you've never been to tasting, you are missing out.  Aside from learning new tastes and textures of wine, the conversation that happens around the tasting is ridiculously fun for any wine nerd.

We blind tasted all eight champagnes, interspersed with comments, and guesses about the ringer.  I'm going to list the champagnes we tasted, with these comments:

My favorite was the Dosnon & Lepage Brut ($40).  It was dry with a tiny hint of sweetness.  It had a smooth texture and went down easy.  I'd enjoy this as my daily champagne, if I was someone who drank daily champagne.  

There were two rosés in the tasting and I was not crazy about them.  I have a hard time with rosé champagne:  the bubbles dissipate in a cluster-like way, which can be distracting from the taste, and the taste was not potent enough for me.  The two rosés were:  Dosnon & Lepage Brut rosé ($40) and Pascal Doquet Brut rosé ($49.99).

The ringer was a Louis Roederer Brut Premier ($40).  When I first smelled it, it was a little funky.  But that's never deterred me from trying a beverage and by the second sip, I was enjoying it.

Other champagnes in the blind taste test were:

• L. Aubry Fils Brut Premier Cru ($39.99):  Very even; something I'd love to drink before (or with) an Indian meal.

• Pierre Peters Brut Blanc de Blancs Grand Cru Cuvee de Reserve ($49.99):  a little smoother than the Aubry and a longer finish.

• 2007 Vilmart & Cie Brut Grand Cellier D'Or ($69.99): Phil's description:  "This one would be for the acid freaks."

• 2010 Cedric Bouchard (Inflorescence) Brut Blanc de Noirs Val Vilaine ($59.99):  Powerful finish; perfect to pair with oysters.

During the champagne tasting, there was also a tasting going on for Highland Park Single Malt Scotch Whiskey (12 and 15 years aged).  In addition to being a champagne lover, I also very deeply love single malt scotch whiskey (I am Indian after all).  I tried both and purchased the 12 year;  smoother and just the right amount of intense smokiness.  Big recommend.

For all other wine recommendations, ask my wine guy.

MacArthur Beverages

4877 MacArthur Beverages, NW

Washington, DC 20007

1-866-674-3716

So You're Thinking About Crashing A Wedding 10.14.2013

Cut it out.  You cannot crash a wedding.  Do you have any idea how expensive weddings are?  Do you have any idea what it takes to put a seating chart together so there is equilibrium between The Two Families?  That shit is no joke. So, take a deep breath, and make some other plans.

Now, if you were in India, not only could you crash a wedding, it would be a welcome intrusion.  If a family invited 800 guests to their daughter's wedding, and someone decided to bring six of his best friends, it is unlikely that someone would care.  But that is not how I roll.  On the RSVP card for my unusually small (120 guests) Indian wedding, I wrote something to the effect of:  "Due to limited space, the restaurant will not be able to accommodate guests in addition to those invited."  You know what happened?  That note scared the crap out of some of our Indian guests.

And while a wedding is not a time for instilling fear in people - especially those people who are so close to you - you, the guest or the wannabe guest, need to remember that the wedding is about not irritating whoever is paying for the wedding, and making sure the happy couple have a fun time.  

As part of this blog's "What the Hell Should I Do?" series, I made up received some questions from readers that hit on some core dos and don'ts in wedding etiquette.  I answer those questions.  Enjoy!

I have a friend visiting from out of town and during her visit, I'll be going to a wedding. I was offered a plus-one but turned it down.  I've been trying to score with her since college and this might be the perfect opportunity.  Is it okay for me to bring her since I was offered a plus-one?

Depending on how close you are to the wedding date, ask the bride or groom if it's okay to add the plus-one, and urge them to be honest with you.  If it's the day of the wedding, you may not ask the bride or groom anything.  If you're two weeks out, go for it.  And if they cannot make space for your date, do not look like a sad puppy.  You'll be fine, your friend will be fine.

And if you really want to get down with this lady, be a man and ask her out on a proper date.  

My family and I are going to a wedding but we have other plans right before the wedding.  The bride and groom are aware of our predicament and are okay with us showing up late.  Do we still need to get dressed up for the wedding or can we go in our hiking clothes? 

Wait...your "predicament" is a hike?  Seriously?  Look, I don't know if there's something, you know, special about this hike but I urge you to reschedule it.  One of my rules in life:  always attend weddings and funerals (and cocktail parties).  I know you know this, but I feel you need to hear it again:  life is short and you need to be there for these people.  

And no, you may not wear your hiking clothes to the wedding.  Get a grip.  How hard is it to throw some party clothes into your rucksack, slip into a bathroom, and change before arriving at the wedding?  Not hard at all.  Now, if I saw someone at a wedding who was dressed for a hike, I would not judge.  In the whole scheme of things, it's not a big deal.  But guys, this is a wedding:  the couple getting married want to be surrounded by people who give a shit.

My best friend is getting married and she does not want children at her wedding.  I have two adorable children and cannot find a sitter.  What should I do?

Well before the wedding day, ask the happy couple if there will be babysitting accommodations.  This is a thing now and I strongly urge happy couples everywhere to provide babysitting for their guests.  Makes life a lot easier for those people who so want to be with you on your big day but can't get their kids off their hands.

If you're getting married at a hotel, ask the person planning your wedding details for recommendations for babysitting services.  At nicer hotels, they will have sitters (bonded and insured) on site to take care of as many or as few kids as possible.

I was at an Indian wedding recently and a couple showed up with 11 additional guest.  The parents of the bride had to get another table set up, which I'm sure cost and arm and a leg.  All I could think was:  WTF?  You're Indian, what do you think?

Your thought is my thought.  This situation is presumptuous and totally out of control.  Here is my plea to old school Indian families everywhere:  if you are going to a wedding and suddenly have out of town guests, tell them they can hang out at your house or make plans for them if they are unable to do so on their own.  They will be fine.  Your out of town guests do not need to witness the wedding of a couple they do not know.  Trust me.

So, a few years ago, I decided to go vegan because I love our planet.  Is it okay for me to ask my friends who are getting married in three weeks to provide a vegan option at their wedding?

No.  No it is not.  Unless you are deathly allergic to something or have some horrible medical condition that is exasperated by certain food(s), do not bother the happy couple with your lifestyle issues.  I require endless champagne and spicy chicken curry -- you think if I show up at a vegan wedding, my lifestyle issues will be accommodated?  Not bloody likely.  Make do, dear reader.  

If the food is so offensive, eat before you get to the wedding and do not under any circumstances complain about anything.  Not your day.

And also, three weeks out?  No.  The happy couple is probably arguing about the seating chart or future inlaw issues or something.  If you want the happy couple's ear, you're going to have to talk to them a little closer to when the invitation went out (which in most cases is months in advance).

I'm attending a wedding in a few months and the couple getting married are totally wrong for each other.  It's so obvious to me and our mutual friends that this is not going to last.  What can we do?

Absolutely nothing.  

Have questions about entertainment, food, events, or the rules about anything?  Put it in an email and shoot it over to me at Four4Courses@gmail.com.  I'll try to respond when I have some time.  

Teddy & the Bully Bar 10.03.2013

Oh, DC is a depressing place right now.  The government shutdown has left loads of people at home twiddling their thumbs, all the museums are closed, and fortheloveofgod! the National's Zoo's baby panda cam is turned off.  What!?  And even the scenic overlooks up and down long stretches of parkway are closed to people needing some damn scenery.  

While I am not a government worker, I feel the pain of this situation (mainly because it is idiotic) and have been doing my best to cook fine food and dine with good friends to keep from getting so irate that I cannot think straight.  And until Congress gets it's shit together, I'll be dining like a mad woman, and feeding friends who are no longer going into an office and have no idea when they will be going into an office.

I was meeting a friend for lunch downtown, and asked David Smelson of the blog Pleasures of the Table for a recommendation.  He suggested Teddy & the Bully Bar near Dupont Circle.  

Completely designed (both in its menu and its aesthetics) around the whims and loves of President Teddy Roosevelt, Teddy & the Bully Bar serves up small plates and excellent service.  Executive Chef Michael Hartzer (previously of Jack Rose, Citronelle, and IndeBleu) has plenty of game on the menu but there also is plenty of greenery and other diversions.

My friend Kim ordered the Teddy hamburger, and whenever someone orders a hamburger, I immediately want a hamburger.  But I resisted:  I started with the cured meats (so yummy), followed by the peaches and goat cheese salad (completely satisfying).  We both drank a glass of Cava (Mont Marcal, Brut Reserva, 2009) with our meal.

There are three selections under the cured meets and I chose the Proscuitto Rosso (Iowa) and the Salametto Piccante (California).   They arrived on a wooden tray with toasted bread.  I thought I would be in love with the proscuitto, but I loved the salametto more -- spicy and meaty.  The proscuitto seemed a little dry, as if it had been sitting out for a while.

The salad was delicious:  Maryland peaches and goat cheese crumbles on artisan field greens with mache (corn salad) and croutons.  The peaches were cooked and a great compliment to the greens and goat cheese.  

When I had arrived, Kim recommended going into the ladies room to see the following massive photo -- very I-will-take-my-lady.  We ate outside because these are the last warm days before the cold days of late fall and winter arrive, but next time I'm eating in the dining room, which is minimalist and elegant, as is the bar area. 

Teddy & The Bully Bar

1200 19th Street, NW

Washington, DC

202-872-8700

  

Missed yesterday's scintilating post about how to talk to a Jehovah's Witness about sexy time?  It's not too late...read it HERE.

How to Talk to a Jehovah's Witness About Sexy Time 10.01.2013

Yesterday I was working at my kitchen counter, which overlooks our front walkway.  It's one of my favorite work spaces because it allows me to see what's going on on my street (a lot of drivers speeding) and I get to wave at the postman and the cute UPS guy.  Yesterday, I was writing, minding my own business, when two women walked up to our door.

They were Jehovah's Witnesses and wanted to discuss the pain and suffering in the world.  One woman appeared to be in her early 70s, and the other in her 20s maybe, and she  stood quietly behind the elder woman.  These women informed me that God is angry from all the "sins of the flesh" people are committing, which results in global pain and suffering.  Once I clarified they were referring to sex between two (or more? I don't judge) people, I said in my most matter-of-fact voice possible:

"I don't think sex is causing all the pain and suffering in the world.  I think there are a lot of people who are lost or confused or damaged even, and that creates chaos."

"Okay," said the older of the two women.  And before she could go on to her next thought, I said:  "Sins of the flesh are actually quite enjoyable."

Silence.

"In fact," I continued, "I think if people spent more time engaging in sins of the flesh, there would be less pain and suffering in the world.  People would be too busy having fun to cause harm."

Both women looked irritated and were not buying my argument.  But I wasn't buying their argument either.  The phone rang, I wished both women well, and they left, visibly disappointed they did not walk this Sinner down the Path of Good.

I've never understood the thinking that sex is a gateway to destruction.  Even as a kid (long before I knew sins of the flesh) I thought sexy time looked like a good time.  I have this clear memory of watching a movie during a family gathering when I was about 12 with a conservative Indian girl who was 16 or so.  I don't remember the movie but I remember her saying:  "There's too much sex on TV."

First of all, what 16-year-old says that?  That makes zero sense to me. Second, I responded:  "Really?  I think there's too much violence on TV."

Because come on:  doesn't sex look like more fun than shooting people or blowing up buildings?  (If you're a lost, confused, or damaged person, do not answer that question.)

I was convinced that the JV women would find my sexy talk so discouraging they would not return to my house, but my friend Andrew assures me they will be back weekly:  

"Let me put this in Breaking Bad terms:  Religious meth heads are easily addicted to people who (a) give them the time of day and (b) look like a conversion project."

I'll be waiting for that knock at the door (See that? That's another Breaking Bad reference!).  In the mean time, who's with me?  Do you want to make the world a better place?  Good.  I want everyone to take a pledge right now, right here to have some good, quality sexy time by the end of this week.  Twice if you're in it to win it.

Huzzah!