So You're Thinking About Crashing A Wedding 10.14.2013

Cut it out.  You cannot crash a wedding.  Do you have any idea how expensive weddings are?  Do you have any idea what it takes to put a seating chart together so there is equilibrium between The Two Families?  That shit is no joke. So, take a deep breath, and make some other plans.

Now, if you were in India, not only could you crash a wedding, it would be a welcome intrusion.  If a family invited 800 guests to their daughter's wedding, and someone decided to bring six of his best friends, it is unlikely that someone would care.  But that is not how I roll.  On the RSVP card for my unusually small (120 guests) Indian wedding, I wrote something to the effect of:  "Due to limited space, the restaurant will not be able to accommodate guests in addition to those invited."  You know what happened?  That note scared the crap out of some of our Indian guests.

And while a wedding is not a time for instilling fear in people - especially those people who are so close to you - you, the guest or the wannabe guest, need to remember that the wedding is about not irritating whoever is paying for the wedding, and making sure the happy couple have a fun time.  

As part of this blog's "What the Hell Should I Do?" series, I made up received some questions from readers that hit on some core dos and don'ts in wedding etiquette.  I answer those questions.  Enjoy!

I have a friend visiting from out of town and during her visit, I'll be going to a wedding. I was offered a plus-one but turned it down.  I've been trying to score with her since college and this might be the perfect opportunity.  Is it okay for me to bring her since I was offered a plus-one?

Depending on how close you are to the wedding date, ask the bride or groom if it's okay to add the plus-one, and urge them to be honest with you.  If it's the day of the wedding, you may not ask the bride or groom anything.  If you're two weeks out, go for it.  And if they cannot make space for your date, do not look like a sad puppy.  You'll be fine, your friend will be fine.

And if you really want to get down with this lady, be a man and ask her out on a proper date.  

My family and I are going to a wedding but we have other plans right before the wedding.  The bride and groom are aware of our predicament and are okay with us showing up late.  Do we still need to get dressed up for the wedding or can we go in our hiking clothes? 

Wait...your "predicament" is a hike?  Seriously?  Look, I don't know if there's something, you know, special about this hike but I urge you to reschedule it.  One of my rules in life:  always attend weddings and funerals (and cocktail parties).  I know you know this, but I feel you need to hear it again:  life is short and you need to be there for these people.  

And no, you may not wear your hiking clothes to the wedding.  Get a grip.  How hard is it to throw some party clothes into your rucksack, slip into a bathroom, and change before arriving at the wedding?  Not hard at all.  Now, if I saw someone at a wedding who was dressed for a hike, I would not judge.  In the whole scheme of things, it's not a big deal.  But guys, this is a wedding:  the couple getting married want to be surrounded by people who give a shit.

My best friend is getting married and she does not want children at her wedding.  I have two adorable children and cannot find a sitter.  What should I do?

Well before the wedding day, ask the happy couple if there will be babysitting accommodations.  This is a thing now and I strongly urge happy couples everywhere to provide babysitting for their guests.  Makes life a lot easier for those people who so want to be with you on your big day but can't get their kids off their hands.

If you're getting married at a hotel, ask the person planning your wedding details for recommendations for babysitting services.  At nicer hotels, they will have sitters (bonded and insured) on site to take care of as many or as few kids as possible.

I was at an Indian wedding recently and a couple showed up with 11 additional guest.  The parents of the bride had to get another table set up, which I'm sure cost and arm and a leg.  All I could think was:  WTF?  You're Indian, what do you think?

Your thought is my thought.  This situation is presumptuous and totally out of control.  Here is my plea to old school Indian families everywhere:  if you are going to a wedding and suddenly have out of town guests, tell them they can hang out at your house or make plans for them if they are unable to do so on their own.  They will be fine.  Your out of town guests do not need to witness the wedding of a couple they do not know.  Trust me.

So, a few years ago, I decided to go vegan because I love our planet.  Is it okay for me to ask my friends who are getting married in three weeks to provide a vegan option at their wedding?

No.  No it is not.  Unless you are deathly allergic to something or have some horrible medical condition that is exasperated by certain food(s), do not bother the happy couple with your lifestyle issues.  I require endless champagne and spicy chicken curry -- you think if I show up at a vegan wedding, my lifestyle issues will be accommodated?  Not bloody likely.  Make do, dear reader.  

If the food is so offensive, eat before you get to the wedding and do not under any circumstances complain about anything.  Not your day.

And also, three weeks out?  No.  The happy couple is probably arguing about the seating chart or future inlaw issues or something.  If you want the happy couple's ear, you're going to have to talk to them a little closer to when the invitation went out (which in most cases is months in advance).

I'm attending a wedding in a few months and the couple getting married are totally wrong for each other.  It's so obvious to me and our mutual friends that this is not going to last.  What can we do?

Absolutely nothing.  

Have questions about entertainment, food, events, or the rules about anything?  Put it in an email and shoot it over to me at  I'll try to respond when I have some time.  

No comments:

Post a Comment